TDS - A Terrible Disease!

An epidemic of biblical proportion is spreading across the fruited plain at this very hour.

The Centers for Disease Control has yet to identify the malady -- but it seems to be an isolated outbreak impacting liberals, millennials, fashion designers, Hollywood celebrities and the entire primetime lineup at CNN.

The affliction is called Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). Symptoms include delusional ranting and a feverish flop sweat.

DETAILS!!!

The Last Will!

A UNC Grad from the class of 1966 is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.

My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end.

My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre.

Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river.

The nurse and witnesses are blown away, as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as the man slips away, the nurse says, "Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property ? .... all he had was a paper route!"  

The 12 Days Of Christmas!

December 14, 2016

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream

of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree?

How can I ever express my pleasure.
Thank you a hundred times for thinking

of me this way.

My love always,
Agnes

*Please check HERE for
additional eleven romantic
letters...

CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!

Christmas Humor!

Eight Facts About UNC Folks!

What did the UNC fan say when 
he opened the box of Cheerios? 
Oh look, ...Doughnut seeds.
~~
Why did the UNC student stare 
at the can of frozen orange juice? 
Because it said concentrate.
~~
Why can't UNC students dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!
~~
Why shouldn't UNC profs have coffee 
breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.



Why does it take longer to build 
a UNC snowman as opposed to 
a regular one? You have to hollow 
out the head.
~~
How do you get a twinkle in a UNC
student's eye? Shine a flashlight in 
her ear.
~~
Hear about the UNC prof that got an
AM radio? It took him a month to
realize he could play it at night.
~~
What did the UNC student say when
she saw the sign in front of the 
YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S 
wrong!"

Google: T3H7P12H

UNC First Aid Class!

The freshman class was being given a course in first aid.

The question was asked, "What would you do if during the summer you had a younger sibling swallow a house key?"

After a pause, one of the students answered,
"Easy! I'd climb through the window!"

Google: T3H7P12H

Humor Cartoons!

Views From Prof Howdy's House!

Entrance Drive!

View From Kitchen!

Hiking Trail On North Terrace!  

Outside of Kitchen!

Bathroom #7 Window!

View From Master Bedroom Balcony! 

Bathroom Window!

View From Living Room Window!

Terrace Area!

Backyard! 

Mom Help!

A UNC Freshman came home with five job applications for a summer job. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over.

All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under "Previous Employment", she had listed "Baby-sitting".

But then she read, under "Reason for Leaving" her daughter had answered, "Parents came home."

Low Information Voter On My Elevator!

A woman walked into the 
elevator tossing her keys 
up in the air and catching 
them. After one too many 
tosses, she dropped the keys, 
and we watched as they 
disappeared into the crack 
between the open doors and 
the floor.

I felt terrible for her. 
Or I did until she cried, 
"Oh no! Not again!"

UNC Deer Hunting!

Two UNC grads went hunting 
& were dragging their dead 
deer back to their car. Another 
hunter approached pulling his 
along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you 
how to do something... but 
I can tell you that it's much 
easier if you drag the deer 
in the other direction. Then 
the antlers won't dig into 
the ground."

After the third hunter left, 
the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter 
said to the other, "You know, 
that guy was right. This is 
a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, 
"but we're getting farther
away from the truck...."

New Politically Correct Terms!

Airhead = Reality Impaired
Bald = Comb-Free
Blind = Photonically Non-receptive
Dead = Metabolically Challenged
Deaf = Visually Oriented
Drug Addict = Chemically Challenged
Fat = Calorifically Enhanced
Girl = Pre-Woman
Handicapped = Differently Abled



Homeless = Optionally Residential
Housewife = Domestic Technician
Hunter = Animal Assassin
Insane People = Selectively Perceptive
Old People = Gerentologically Advanced
Poor = Economically Unprepared
Short = Vertically Challenged
Slum = Economic Oppression Zone
Ugly = Attractively Impaired

Another UNC Prof!

A UNC professor is driving along 
the road when he sees a sign on a 
plot of land that reads "40 acres for 
sale" and lists a phone number and 
in big bold letters the words "WILL 
DIVIDE". The prof has been considering 
buying a bit of land for investment 
purposes. He calls the number and 
when a lady picks up, he asks her, 
"Is Mr. Divide in?"

#SantasNaughtyList

Humor Cartoons!

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What Does This Mean?

Eschew obfuscation.